Welcome home, Miles !

Our little warrior Miles,

We can't believe that it has only been 12 days since your birthday. Dad and I can't imagine life without you and are so in love with you. Seeing you for the first time was the. best. moment. in our lives. You have no idea how loved you are. Dad and I just stare at you and thank God for what a perfect gift you are to us :)

We knew that you were going to have quite the entrance into the world when God decided to close down the airport just so that Papaw, Mimi, and aunt Staci could stay to see you :)

We were able to come home just 7 hours after you were born, and couldn't wait to spend the day with you and show you your home !! Everyone wanted to see you. The nannies and your oldest sisters came over first thing and just giggled and loved on you. They all needed to hold their new baby :).

On Saturday it was more of the same for you. You were held and loved on lots by aunt Stac, Mimi and Papaw since it was their last day with us.

In the afternoon our midwife came over to do what I thought would be a quick check-up on you and I both.

We were surprised when we showed her the -what looked like blood- in your diaper, and she said that it wasn't normal. She went on to check you, and you were breathing twice as hard as you are right now, and had a fever of 101.2. She quickly told us that we needed to go to a hospital to have further checks done and my heart sank. One moment we were planning dinner and the next we were rushing around packing bags for a hospital stay.

Miles, I wish that I could tell you that I had complete trust in God at that moment. But, I was so scared. I knew in my mind that God loves you and that I could trust him to take care of you better than anyone, but I was struggling to truly believe it.

The whole way to the hospital all the what-ifs ran through my mind. I wept over you the entire car ride praying for God's grace and mercy over your life.

I was nervous over the choices of healthcare we have here. I wanted to have you in a hospital in the states immediately so that I felt a peace about the care you were getting. Sadly, I wanted to trust an educated staff and hospital to care for you more than I could trust that God was and is the greatest physician there is.

I was more and more worried as lab work wasn't able to be done since it was night time, and words like spinal tap, meningitis, group b strep, sepsis, kidney problems, etc. were being discussed.

To be safe, we had to start antibiotics even though we had no idea what was being treated. And thankfully, the antibiotics covered all of those different possibilities.

I wanted so badly to take everything away from you. I wanted to be the one lying in the bed with an IV pumping meds into my arm instead of yours. I wanted to be the one being poked and prodded all throughout the night. I couldn't stand watching you go through that. I still can't think about it without just weeping.

The next day we noticed that your eyes and tears were really yellow. Unfortunately, you were jaundice. We asked for more lab work to be done, and hours later realized that it still wasn't done because it was Sunday, and the lab technician only came to work for an 1 1/2 hours that day. Dad and I were so frustrated, and thankfully through a course of blessings from God, we were able to transfer you to a different hospital with better care that night.

When we got there, they realized that you hadn't been getting fluids through your IV. Something was wrong with them, and we have no idea how many hours you were going without the fluids. Therefore, you were now also extremely dehydrated. We couldn't take anymore.

A pediatric nurse that is here from the States with another organization offered to come down and stay with us that night to watch over you. (Thank you, Ashley). God sent peace when he sent her to watch over you.

You had to lay under bili lights for a couple days to get rid of your jaundice. And we had to stay in the hospital for 7 days until your antibiotics were finished. The lab work all came back showing that you were a healthy boy and that the 'blood' in your urine was no blood at all, just uric acid crystals. Totally normal to have in a newborn.

However, those results still don't explain your fever and breathing. God had healed something in you through your meds, or he just did it on his own. Either way, we are grateful :)

You had so many people praying for you, Miles. God heard those prayers and spared you. Dad and I truly believe that the enemy was attacking and wanted to steal your precious life. But, God in his mercy did not allow it.

God has stretched your dad and I a lot this past week, and we are weary.

We rejoice everyday that you are with us at home. We treasure getting to pray over you on our knees at night and just cry out to God thanking him for sparing you.

We love you so much and can't imagine life without you. God has been reminding me that he loves you even more than we do, and I can hardly take that in.

I have been fearful over a lot of things lately, and I am trying to trust that God's love is so much greater and deeper than mine, and that he wants no harm for you or our family.

But mom's flesh gets in the way a lot, and I am still trying to truly believe with all my heart that our God has nothing but good for us.

This morning I was praying that I can just believe that. That I can truly know God loves us more than anything. And wouldn't you know what I read in my Bible just after that...

"And I pray that you...may have the power...to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." Ephesians 3:18

Miles, I pray that for you, too, buddy. You are so loved already. Loved by mom and dad. By your family. By so many people that you haven't even met yet. But the love that truly matters is that of God. Miles, he is so in love with you. There will be seasons that you might have a hard time believing that. And that's okay. I'm going through that right now. But it is the truth. Satan will try and make us think otherwise, but we can't listen to it. I know that this isn't going to be the only time I am going to truly have to release you to God and trust you in his care. There will be many more times I'm sure. But, we know that God will be with us then just like he has been lately.

My good friend reminded me this morning that sometimes we have to wrestle like Jacob did with Him until we receive a blessing. Sometimes we have to cry out like Job in our agony, or in desperation like King David. But, it will only be for a season. God will always brings you out of the valley.

We are so glad that we are home with you and can celebrate life each day together :) We love you, and are so blessed to be your parents.

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Thank you to every one of you that was interceding on Miles behalf and praying for him and us through this valley. Thank you for going through this with Jared and I. I wish I could just sit and hug each one of you individually, telling you what a difference your prayers made. We're so blessed to know that we didn't go through this alone.

Thank you for your emails and calls. Thank you to our friends in Haiti that have become our family. For the meals, phone cards, breaks, visits, and so much more. We couldn't have made it through the week without you guys.